Friday, April 22, 2011

Just For Fun

I received this email and thought I'd share the laughs!!!

SOME OLD SOME NEW

You can’t make this stuff up!   Make sure you read all  the way to the end.
 

 
    NEW  YORK   - resident Kathy Evans brought humiliation to her  friends and  family
when  she set a new standard for stupidity with her  appearance
on  the popular TV show, 'Who Wants To Be A  Millionaire.'
  

 Evans,  a 32-year-old wife and mother of two, got stuck on  the first  question
and  proceeded to make what fans of the show are  dubbing 'the absolute worst  use
of  lifelines ever.' After being introduced to the  show's  host
Meredith  Vieira, Evans was posed with a typically easy  initial $100  question.
 
  The  question was: 'Which of the following is the  largest?'
 
  A)  A  Peanut
B)  An  Elephant
C)  The  Moon
D)  Hey, who you calling  large?
 
  Immediately  Mrs. Evans was struck with an all consuming panic  as she did  not
readily  know the answer. 'Hmm, oh boy, that's a toughie,'  said  Evans,
as  Vieira did her level best to hide her  disbelief.
'I  mean, I'm sure I've heard of some of these things  before,
but  I have no idea how large they would  be.'
 
  Evans  made the decision to use the first of her three  lifelines, the  50/50.
Answers  A and D were removed, leaving her to decide which  was
bigger,  an elephant or the moon. However, faced with an  incredibly
easy  question, Evans still remained  unsure.
 
  'Oh!  It removed the two I was leaning towards!'  exclaimed  Evans...
'Darn.  I think I better phone a  friend.'
Mrs.  Evans asked to be connected with her  friend
Betsy,  who is an office  assistant.
 
  'Hi  Betsy! How are you? This is Kathy! I'm on TV!'  said Evans, 
wasting  the first seven seconds of her  call.
'Ok,  I got an important question. Which of the  following is the  largest?
B,  an elephant, or C, the moon. 15 seconds  hun.'
Betsy  quickly replied that the answer was C, the  moon.
Evans  proceeded to argue with her friend for the  remaining ten  seconds.
'Betsy,  are you sure?' said Evans. 'How sure are you? Duh,  that can't be  it.'
 
  To  everyone's astonishment, the moronic Evans  declined to take her  friend's
advice.  'I just don't know if I can trust Betsy. She's not  all that  bright.
So  I think I'd like to ask the audience,' said  Evans.
 
  Asked  to vote on the correct answer, the audience  returned 98% in favor  of
answer  C, 'The Moon.' Having used up all her  lifelines,
Evans  then made the dumbest choice of her  life.
'Wow,  seems like everybody is against what I'm  thinking,' said  the
too-stupid-to-live  Evans. 'But you know, sometimes you just got to go  with
your  gut. So, let's see... I'm going to have to go with  B, an elephant. Final  answer.'
 
 Evans  sat before the dumbfounded audience, the only one  waiting with bated breath  -
and  was told that she was wrong, and that the answer  was in fact, C, 'The  Moon..'
Caution...they  walk among us!---------------------This  one is equally unbelievable.. (No comments  needed!)


They  Walk Among Us!
----------------------------
Some  guy bought a new fridge for his house.
To get  rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard  and hung a
sign on it saying: 'Free to good  home. You want it, you take it.'
For three days  the fridge sat there without anyone looking  twice.
He eventually decided that people were  too mistrustful of this deal.
So he changed the  sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'

The  next day someone stole it!

They walk  amongst  us!
-------------------------------------
  I  stopped at Mc Donald’s and ordered some  fries.  The  girl behind the counter said “would you like some  fries with that?”  
--------------------------
*
One  day I was walking down the beach with
some  friends when someone shouted.....
'Look at that  dead bird!'
Someone looked up at the sky and  said...'where?'

They walk among  us!
 

----------------------------------------------------------  

While  looking at a house, my brother asked the
estate  agent which direction was north because
he  didn't want the sun waking him up every  morning.
She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the  north?'
My brother explained that the sun rises  in the east
and has for sometime. She shook her  head and said,
'Oh, I don't keep up with all  that stuff......'

They Walk Among  Us!
--------------------------------------------
  
My  colleague and I were eating our lunch in our  cafeteria,
when we overheard an admin girl  talking about the
sunburn she got on her  weekend drive to the beach.
She drove down in a  convertible, but said
she 'didn't think she'd  get sunburned
because the car was  moving'.

They Walk Among  Us!
------------------------------------
  
My  sister has a lifesaving tool in her car
which  is designed to cut through a seat belt
if she  gets trapped. She keeps it in the car  trunk.

    They Walk Among  Us!

  
-------------------------------------------------
I  was going out with a friend when we saw a woman  with a nose ring attached to an earring by a  chain.
My friend said, 'Ouch! The chain must  rip
out every time she turns her head!"
I  had to explain that a person's nose and  ear
remain the same distance apart no
matter  which way the head is turned...

They Walk Among  Us  !
-------------------------------I  couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage  area and went to the lost luggage office and  reported the loss.
The woman there smiled and  told me not to worry
because she was a trained  professional and
said I was in good hands.  'Now,' she asked me,
'Has your plane arrived  yet?'...
(I work with professionals like  this.)

They Walk Among  Us!
------------------------------------------------ While  working at a pizza parlor I observed a  man
ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared  to be alone and the cook asked him if he would  like it cut
into 4 pieces or 6. He thought  about it for some time
then said 'Just cut it  into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry
enough  to eat 6 pieces.

They Walk Among  Us!
 
    
And  last, but not least: 
  
Dumb  as a box of RocksA  VERY GOOD EXAMPLE OF THE KIND OF REPRESENTATION  WE HAVE IN CONGRESS,TRUE  STORY:
A  noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an  academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to  appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to  schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a  question with which he was most at  ease.

'Would you mind telling me,  Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental  deficiency in somebody who appears completely  normal?'

'Nothing is easier,' he replied.  'You ask a simple question which anyone should  answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates,  that puts you on the track..'

'What sort  of question?' asked Pelosi.

Well, you  might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around  the world and died during one of them. Which  one?''

Pelosi thought a moment, and then  said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen  to have another example would you? I must  confess I don't know much about  history.'

 
Sadly,  not only do they walk among us, they vote  and  their  vote equals ours  and  they also  reproduce!
 
Traffic Camera
  
A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding... Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace... Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt..     
    
You can't fix stupid.
 
 



 


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